#im suffering anyways
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dittolicous · 10 months ago
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sighs. i have had so much free time because of my cut hours but its. still left me with nothing to do, since i have to save as much money as possible while looking for another job. so i sleep, wake up, look to see if there are any new job postings on indeed/linkedin/ziprecruit/monster/etc, dig farther into google for more sketchy job openings, think about what company sites i can check for direct jobs, check those sketchy 'surveys for money' sites,... and then i go back to sleep. because well. cant be hungry or waste money if ur asleep.
i just. im miserable. i have so much time but i cant even enjoy or use it because im going to start bleeding money i dont have soon. im fucking terrified of not being able to find a new job, of being stuck in this... dead end job. unable to get off this damn island. it makes me sick. so im bored and guilty and scared and i just gucking hate this!
im so fuckibg tired of living in this godforsaken world where you only deserve to live if you give up everything. honestly, i wish someone would just. fuckibg come beat me up. wish my parents had actually fucking hit me instead of just yelling and insults. wish i was missing limbs or brain fuction or just. anything. anything to get the world to see i cant function.
im an empty brained idiot. i dont have any passion or self. how am i suppose to live? id rather be a fucking shattered glass than an empty jar. but thats what i am.
god i just. how???? how????? how do people... live????? how do you create and make.... your brand or personality? i cant make any of that. im just here. breathing. not for any reason. thats how its always been. everytime i see jokes about what kind of 'weird kid' you were i want to cry. because ive never been fucking anything! i wasnt a horse girl or a cat girl or train person or dinosaur nut or a monster fan and never cared about Egypt or rome or didnt care for legos or cars or model building or WHATEVER. ive just! been here! with nothing! im not ANYTHING. i dont have hobbys. ive nev r had hobbies.
ive always been alone and empty. disconnected from the world. disconnected from the community. disconnected from everyone.
my life is nothing. has been nothing. just a waste of time and space. nothing to show but misery and anger. theres no escaping it. i wish i was an actual person instead of this empty sack of nothing.
get hobbies they say, thatll help, yeah surs. sure. hobbies. to store in my roach and rat infested house, where i hide away in a tiny room because its the only space i have that i can control. with the money that i dont have. alone. because im terrible at bonding with people. because why would any human wanna hang around me? and because i tire so fucking fast.
i just. i wish i was fucking dead. im tired of this stupid fucking world. thinking things might get bettrr jusy to have reality forced into my face. im a piece of garbage npc who would have been better never being born.
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hinamie · 5 months ago
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I don't want to regret the way I lived
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tiny-vermin · 6 months ago
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women should be sweaty in the garden and also touching each other. like if u agree 👍
‼️ cottage wives for @chernozemm ‼️
my commissions are open too !! <3
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OKAY the vision for this was initially like this ^^ really cropped image of just their torsos so you couldnt see their faces and her Hand. but then i got carried away and its all there now!
i also got a lot of help for this from my artist besties (blows all of u a kiss) because i love second guessing myself. 7 + 9 = 14 yaknow. but sometimes this is good cus i did fix a lot of things. eg crowleys braids did NOT look this pretty until i redid it like 4 times. lmfao.
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teh-inggris · 2 months ago
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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inkskinned · 2 years ago
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility#but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion#that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone#i am an environmental educator#so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering#that people are going through#without doing my research and providing real ways to help#this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning#to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering#unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this#and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this#and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity#(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself#for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion#i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out#rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free#is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i#which is more than their CEOs can say
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medicalunprofessional · 8 months ago
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sorry guys they finally showed me peak fiction . Its called “phantom of the paradise”
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choccy-milky · 5 months ago
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part 3 to my modern AU 💞🍺 (part 1 / part 2)
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temeyes · 15 days ago
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cold in the cold
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maybebi47 · 7 months ago
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why does life keep forcing kristen to see herself die again (cassandra) and again (buddy dawn) and again (K2) why must she watch reflections of herself shatter before her and why does it always fall on her shoulders to bring them back, is it life telling her that she must fix something withtin herself to truly move on? is it life telling her that she will forever be broken? what does life gain from breaking down this little child, not only in death but also in living reflection, why show her nara, happy and flourishing and loved by her ex lover, "she is you with money" nara who is reliable and dependable and put together. why show her bucky? small and fragile and alone after she left him because she had to? bucky, her own flesh and blood the closest of the reflections to her, standing exactly where she stood a few years ago..why
and i know in my heart she will never talk about this and i know it will never be said or mentioned by anyone but i often just sit there and think about her little tortured soul and wonder why is life so adamant about beating her down.
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newttxt · 9 months ago
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launching a rescue mission!
from utilities included, ch. 8
masterpost
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maesonc-artistic-adventures · 2 months ago
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“If there is anyone here, who were to finish the job—put me down….i remember thinking: I hope it’s Seedling. I hope it’s Orym.”
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hinamie · 5 months ago
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domain expansion
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spatziline · 1 year ago
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I finally watched Good Omens and I love it
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fizzsparkpop · 5 months ago
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how odd it is to be haunted by someone who is still alive
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valtsv · 6 months ago
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everyone thinks it's so cute when you want to redraw your ship as the princess mononoke blade to the throat scene or the utena chest sword but when you say you want to recreate this anime moment with them nobody wants to hear it
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hi. rant about ybcpatrick at me. idk if I have any pertinent thoughts right now but I love angst so here's a thought: how much pain do you think he's in. just... constantly? like. he got sliced and diced. not just the hand, though that must be awful, but all his organs??? guy must be in agony whenever he gets enough of a breather to be aware of it
God he has to constantly be in agony. there's no way he ISNT in pain. he realistically shouldn't be alive or running around in any capacity like he is so I'm assuming there's something supernatural involved to keep him from dying. but he is definitely suffering. my personal headcanon is that while he's brainwashed he is so focused on his mission he just ignores the pain until his job is complete, which is kind of why he breaks down when he finally dies. his mission is complete. he protected the briefcase. also we do not talk about how the ybc lasts for at the very least a week and how after young volcanos none of them eat or drink water (im going to assume since they took the time to get cleaned up, Andy and pete did get something to eat or drink in between death valley and rat a tat). ESPECIALLY patrick. dude is running around for DAYS heavily almost fatally injured with no food or water. the amount of suffering he is in is probably SO severe. genuinely it's a miracle he didn't die from his injuries/condition alone in miss missing you. maybe he couldn't die until his job was complete.
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